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Joan's Cougar Articles

 

  • More Magazine Article 1:

A 65-Year-Old (Cougar) Speaks Out

  

  • More Magazine Article 2:

The Oldest 'Cougar' on the Circuit  

  

  • More Magazine Article 3:

 

Did Somebody Say Cougar?

  

  

More Magazine,

September 11.2010

  

Did Somebody Say Cougar?

by Joan Bunney

  

gold sweater

More Magazine,

June 11, 2010

  

The Oldest 'Cougar' on the Circuit 

   

I've had nine thousand hits; notes and flirts. Never in a million years did I anticipate so many to be curious about a woman my age. My profiles and verbiage are much different than most. I'm writing more articles to include dialogs because they are so telling.Even though I've been attracted to and dated younger men for two decades, never did it dawn on me to coin a phrase or join a movement to explain or justify  my activity; my likes, my choices in men. Nor have I ever felt that I needed to join a group of women who call themselves 'cougars'.  I entered the cougar world to see what this hullaballoo was all about.Recently I watched Tyra Bank's TV show featuring a panel of cougars, (40+ women and 50+ women). There were no women representing my decade which was telling. I would have given my eye teeth to have been on that panel at 65 years wise.As I sat there, watching Tyra's show, I was mesmerized by what I was seeing. The theme was a cougar pageant, the crowning of Ms. Cougar Arizona, yielding accolades and prizes for the winner. Some of the women had formed a clique of sorts and the winner of the contest was not a part of that group. I watched as the women in the clique became very judgmental of the woman who won the contest.  Society has been dummied down to think this is okay behavior and our young are displaying traits that pattern these shows. Just look at the message The Jersey Shore sends to our youth. Unbelievably disturbing to this grandmother. Where have all the parents gone?  I cringe at the message our daughters and granddaughters learn from these examples. It's obvious it's having an impact. Bullying in schools, out of control young women who mirror the behavior they see. Our sons and grandsons also suffer; the message affects the young men as much as the women. What kind of a message are we sending? Many of the cougar sites mimic the reality shows and convey a "party time, sex and games, meat-market environment." They hold no redeeming qualities when it comes to being part of setting the bar for the seasoned woman.  My second emotion was sadness. Sad that women have such a difficult time joining forces, helping each other and respecting each other. Marianne Williamson, who wrote this piece from her book " A Woman's Worth" speaks worlds and it behooves us to heed her wisdom.  "It's time to get started, time to wake up. Don't wait another minute. Claim your heart and claim your glory. You have all you need. Bless other women. Do not tear them down, remember, they are you--your sisters, teachers,

  

  

Not me was my first reaction. No way did I want to be labeled, micro managed and dissed by the media. Even though I've been dating younger men for over twenty years this cougar phenomenon was not something I wanted to be part of.  

My first two articles for More.com spoke to my mindset. I tried to distance myself and even used a excerpt from my book, Sexy In Your 60's, to drive home my point.   

"Not one to embrace the ‘Cougar’ image, I find the explanation confining and not in keeping with a truly seasoned woman, a crone. Ego need not play a part and while every woman reaps the rewards of honoring her body, the body needn’t be the sole reason to attract men, men of any age. Nor do I adhere to the inference that older women are always on the prowl, not able or interested in long term relationships. I believe that women have choices and to categorize us is counter-productive."    

In these past few months, not only have I done a complete turnaround, I've experienced an epiphany. 

Six months on the cougar sites has been instrumental in taking a new look at the cougar movement. I became acquainted with two women who own/operate their own cougar sites: CougarInternational.com and CougarsandCubs.com. These websites are wholesome, filled with respect and integrity, and made this elder cougar proud. Their forums and discussion blogs give the members a place to dialog, offer their feedback, impressions, and do a great service to both the cubs and the cougars. The young men from these sites, men from all over the world, are mature, intelligent, respectful and charismatic. Because there is no getting around the fact that younger men will always be attracted to older women, it's important that the real cougar woman be exemplified for her many positive attributes. These websites do that and more. 

Other cougar sites, the ones that give the cougar a bad name are out there. In life there are always going to be a few flawed apples in the bushel. Some women choose to behave badly.While these sites have been giving the majority of cougars a bad rap via the media and society, focusing on them doesn't serve anyone. 

For centuries men have been attracted to, dated and married younger women . Why is it we never hear any negative feedback about them? As I say in my book, "what's good for the goose is good for the gander". 

I've decided to be an activist for the movement, act as a live testimonial, and level the playing field.  I'm speaking out in support of the cougar woman, who just like me, represents the best in womanhood, stands as a role model for society, and like me is tired of the negative press. 

Soon I'll launch my new website, AgelessCougar.com where we will celebrate the cougar rather than demean her. 

Me a cougar? You betcha!

__________________________________________________

  

A 65-Year-Old (Cougar) Speaks Out"

by Joan M. Bunney

Reprinted from: http://www.more.com/4879/15492-65-year-old-cougar-speaks-out

   by Joan Bunney•More.com Member {View Profile}A 65-Year-Old (Cougar) Speaks Out  I choose to grow young, not old.I've been intrigued with, attracted to and dating men considerably younger than myself for a quarter of a century. Twenty five years ago the stigma was much more intense than it is now. In my mid-fifties, when I told my mother I was dating a man 20 years my junior, she had a cow! I learned to never bring the subject up with her again.  Back in the day, we had no terminology, catchphrases or labels. We were simply older women who were drawn to younger men. I broach the subject in my book,  Sexy In Your 60s, How You Can Naturally Reverse The Aging Process & Rejuvenate Your Life, and blog, www.SexyInYour60s.com, which focus on the health of our body, mind and spirit. I share with others, women especially, what's hindered and helped me over the years, things that keep me young at heart and reversing the aging process.  What can I say? I'm a woman who chooses to grow young, not old. My lust for life attracts younger men and that doesn't seem to be waning with age. Quite the opposite. The older I get the more curious they are. They pick my mind, sometimes I feel like Dear Abby. Recently I joined some Cougar/Cub sites to get a finger on the pulse. I've belonged to other date sites and always draw younger men, but not sites that are subject specific. The resounding welcome and dialogue has been fascinating and prompted me to do some research and writing of my own. The so-called Cougar/Cub phenomenon as many know, is not new. In my book I explore the goddess cultures, go back thousands of years and guess what? Younger men and older women were an item then just as they are now. Regardless, I'm having a difficult time calling myself a Cougar. This excerpt speaks for me:  Not one to embrace the ‘Cougar’ image, I find the explanation confining and not in keeping with a truly seasoned woman, a crone. Ego need not play a part and while every woman reaps the rewards of honoring her body, the body needn’t be the sole reason to attract men, men of any age. Nor do I adhere to the inference that older women are always on the prowl, not able or interested in long term relationships. I believe that women have choices and to categorize us is counter-productive  

A crone is a woman in her third phase of life; maiden/virgin, mother, crone. A postmenopausal woman. I use the book as a platform because the crone stage is the most astounding, powerful, time of a woman's life. According to the ancients, the crone comes into her mastery on all levels including her sexual mastery. Such a hush-hush taboo subject; older women and sexuality.

My friend and mentor, Dr. Linda Savage, was instrumental in awakening me to this part of myself. Her expertise flows all through my book. Savage's book, Reclaiming Goddess Sexuality:The Power of the Feminine Way takes us back into history and reminds us the ancient woman-positive cultures have a message about sexuality  that we can learn from today.  

On the Internet I found amazing forward-thinking women who have websites and blogs that depict their take on the Cougar/Cub movement. Dr. Fayr Barkley, CEO of www.CougarInternational.com caught my attention with her empowering and informative articles.

Dr. Fayr mirrors my old school/young school mindset. She brings into focus those things that serve us and points out those that don't. She does women and men a great service by acting as a role model that speaks to the awesomeness of womanhood. I've become one of her biggest fans and am an active participant on her website. 

Another woman, Linda Franklin, her website  www.TheRealCougarWoman.com , and  author of Don't ever Call Me Ma'am, impressed me with her life experiences. She too is empowering women and mirrors my opinion that regardless of our age, we are never too old to try or do something different.

No one could have told me I would publish my first book at 64, or, for that matter, speak out about my lifestyle as it pertains to younger men.

Like Ms. Franklin, I encourage women to reach for their dreams and not let social dogma get in their way.

© 2009 Joan M. Bunney